My boyfriend put a price on us: 100 dollars a day

“Man, I found out something that wrecked me: my boyfriend traded our relationship for 100 dollars.”

This story is real. It was told to us by the man who lived it and we publish it with his permission, without names or any detail that could identify anyone. It is the second piece of this week's topic: is it OK to check on your boyfriend if you think he's cheating?

I was deeply in love

Literally, deeply in love. We had been together almost six months and we had it all planned: we wanted to travel, start a clothing brand together, share every single day, get married. There was passion, we looked after each other, we went to the movies, we enjoyed the simple things in life.

We got along great with the family; we had even traveled with them. We were doing really well. Or so I thought.

Then the inner voice started

I don't know how else to explain it: an intuition that wouldn't leave me alone. And it wasn't just a hunch, because he was on Grindr constantly, all the time. When you have facts, suspicion stops being paranoia.

So I did what so many people say you shouldn't do: I went and found out.

What I found

My boyfriend had arranged to spend a whole week with someone in a hotel. For 100 dollars a day.

He denied it until the very last day. But there were the voice notes, in his voice, with that accent you couldn't mistake for anyone else's, and the messages.

I believed that was what I was worth

It broke me. And it wasn't only the cheating. It was what it made me think about myself: I believed my self-worth was that. Or less. That who I was as a person, everything I had given him, the plans, the family, was worth less than 100 dollars a day.

You know it isn't true. But in that moment I didn't know it.

And I wondered whether I was the toxic one

This is what makes me angriest today. I got called toxic for going to find out, and I believed it. I seriously asked myself whether I was the bad guy, for having found out.

Written down it sounds absurd: he had a price tag on and I was the one apologizing. But I doubted myself. I really did.

The truth sets you free

It hurt like few things have ever hurt me. And still I say it without hesitating: the truth sets you free. Knowing that someone was putting a price on our dreams made me see that this person had no place in my life.

So I'll say it plainly: it is OK to go and find out when you suspect and there are facts behind the suspicion. Not for sport, not out of insecurity. When there are reasons. And if they call you toxic afterwards, don't let what happened to me happen to you: don't believe it.

What this story leaves us with

Stories like this are why this GPS Libre blog exists: to say out loud what the gay scene almost always keeps quiet. The questions are yours:

• Would you rather never have known?
• What hurts more: being cheated on, or finding out the price?
• Have you ever doubted yourself over something someone else did to you?

Next piece: the verdict of the week.