Changing your location on the app isn't lying: your exact location doesn't owe anyone anything

On the app you show up 1,000 feet from someone, and you're actually three miles away, at home. Did you lie? Some people say yes, that it's deceiving people. We say the opposite, no apologies: changing your location isn't lying. Lying is giving a false answer when someone asks you straight. The dot on the map isn't a sworn oath.

The map was never sacred

Nobody signed anything saying the distance a gay app shows is the absolute truth. Plenty of apps let you hide your distance, and nobody calls the guy who hides it a liar. So why would showing up in another neighborhood be a lie? It's the same thing: deciding how much of your life you show a stranger.

Three reasons not to feel guilty

• Your location is yours. You don't tell random people on the street where you sleep and where you live. In the gay scene, showing how many feet away you live is almost handing your address to a stranger.
• What matters about you is still true. Whoever sees you sees your face, your photos and that you want to meet someone. None of that changed.
• Honesty happens in the chat, not on the map. If the conversation gets serious, you say where you really are. That's where you find out who's honest.

The best argument on the other side

Let's be fair: someone messages you because you look close and they want to meet now, and you're on the other side of town. If you keep quiet, you waste their time. On that, they're right.

So here's where we draw the line: show up wherever you want, but if someone wants to meet, tell them where you are. Staying quiet at that point really would be playing with someone else's time.

Where we stand, no anesthesia

Changing your location isn't lying. Lying is denying where you are when someone asks. Show up in whatever neighborhood you want, meet new people, and when things get serious, tell the truth.

If you want to try it on your iPhone, GPS Libre lets you show up in another neighborhood from home. Here's how it works, step by step, and here's where you can download it free.

Uncomfortable questions

• If someone shows up 600 feet away and is actually in another neighborhood, would you feel deceived?
• Do you show your distance on the app, or keep it hidden?
• Where's the line: on the map, or in what they tell you in the chat?